Comments on: MM #67: A Coaching Technique (Part I)

By: mila

mila — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 01:13:00 +0000

Great!
Clarity is great! It is connected to internal wisdom. And it brings peace. Instead of madly joining the crowd, get away from pressure to be or do like everyone else. And be yourself. It could be scary first time, but when fear is released there is freedom, clarity and peace.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 12:27:00 +0000

Tom’s “waiting for clarity” is what is called the awareness stage in the Gestalt cycle of experience. As a life coach & psychotherapist, I often describe what is do is helping my clients slow it down enough to allow choices to emerge. Tom’s articulation of this principle is very supportive. thanks

By: David Wood

David Wood — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 03:59:00 +0000

Great to see all the positive feedback. This article was a bit different to the rest. Thanks for the clarification Tom, well said.

David
(’fresh’ from Burning Man in the desert, resting in Reno)

By: Aartisans $$$

Aartisans $$$ — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 14:21:00 +0000

this whole business of “waiting for clarity” rather than ‘rushing in head first’ is jolly awesome. I have so many very clear examples of how impulsive behaviour adversely affected my life in the last 3 months, that I was motivated to post here.I am thoroughly convinced of the principle of “silently waiting for clarity, even in the midst of apparent chaos’. This year, I was under pressure to move. I had a lot of decisions to make about, moving house, when, where, etc, and how this would affect my career and my social life. Lots of iminent big changes. I was also in the middle of a relationship melt down and making decisions whether to live with a partner or not. I was also approached by a couple of church pastors wanting me to assist in their ministries in a more committed way. wow! decisions decisions! I new from experience that the best way to make decisions was to ‘wait for clarity’. Only problem was, the people around me were in a veryu big hurry. Pressure to ‘do something now’ ‘Act now’ was mounting. advice bombarding me from everywhere. Anything but…be still and take your time. But I held my ground most of the time, and I can say this when I waited, the results were several times better and more accurate for me, than when I allowed myself to be hurried along by another person’s agender.

Yeah… wait for clarity! That’s sound advice.

Love Aartisans

By: Marie

Marie — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 10:47:00 +0000

In the proactivity-drunken realm of coaching, Tom Stone's article is highly sobering. Learning to go with the flow came to me what I started living abroad, first in China and now in Arabia. Both cultures offer valuable insights in this regards.

In Chinese culture, Taoist philospohy, which underpins everything from medicine to cooking to martial arts, prescribes following the Tao, or the Way. The Way is the path of least resistance followed by all of Nature.

In Arabic, all statements about the future are qualified with the words "Insha'Allah"- God willing. To the new arrival in the Middle East, this can be disconcerting. However, the serene and long lives of the local tribes prove that relinquishing the fanatical need for control can pay off.

My experiences in living and traveling abroad have shown the core truth of this principle, illustrated so lucidly by Tom Stone in David's newest newsletter.

By: Tom Stone

Tom Stone — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 09:41:00 +0000

Phil and everyone,

Tom Stone here. Just thought I would make a comment or two to see if I can "bring some clarity" to Phil's question about when does waiting become avoidance.

One thing to understand about waiting is that it is not passive. It is a form of action, but a special form of action that is mostly internal. It is actions related to feelings and information.

Typically while waiting a couple of categories of experiences occur if you are consciously waiting. One is that we will tend to gather more information about the issue about which we are waiting for clarity. And second, most people while waiting will have feelings about the issue come up during the waiting process. Allowing yourself to fully feel and complete the experience of these feelings that arise is a very active part of the waiting process. Also talking with someone who is supportive of you (like your coach or your spouse) while going through the waves of emotion about the issue can be very helpful.

Procrastination and avoidance have a different quality and it is very valuable to get the distinction between procrastination and waiting for clarity. Typically procrastination and avoidance will be active too. But their activity is actually the opposite of the activity of waiting for clarity. It is distracting yourself so that you don't feel and complete the experiences that need to be felt and completed. Procrastination and avoidance are more closely connected to addictive behavior whereas waiting for clarity is more related to being fully present to what is rather than avoiding it through distractions.

To get to clarity about something it is usually the very things that you tend to avoid allowing yourself to feel that are the real barriers to having clarity show up. It is when you are fully present to them that the clarity can dawn.

Most people have some pretty deep conditioning around avoid feeling things fully. This is one of the main reasons why procrastination is so common place. It is due to one of the Core Dynamics called Resisting Feeling Things Fully and the understanding of the nature of the conditioning that creates this Core Dynamic is fasinating (but that's another story).

So thanks for asking the question and I hope that the distinction is clearer with this explanation.

All the best,

Tom

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 06:15:00 +0000

Boy, this topic – “wait for clarity” hit home! I can explain a situation that occurred last summer, when I decided not to wait for clarity, and it was disasterous! I have, for some time, been trying to figure out what I should do with the rest of my life. I returned to get a college degree late in life. I am a single mom, and raised my daughter, worked 2-3 jobs and put myself through college. My grades were excellent, and I thought I was truly focused. I wanted to be a mediator and help other single moms deal with child support, custody and visitation issues. I graduated with a 4 year degree, and am still working in a clerical capacity because I found out that all law firms want experience . . . and alot of it. I do not have the computer experience required either. After getting rejected from county positions because I am not bilingual, I really felt useless. As I work part time for an attorney (who desparately wants to retire), last summer, I started sending out resumes to every and any job that I thought I might have a shot at. I was hired for an early intervention facility and grabbed at the chance, due to my financial situation. It was disasterous! I was fired within 2 weeks! It was definitely not a fit! I finally groveled back to my old boss, and I’ve been there ever since. I still hate my job and have been desparate to find another job. I, once again, am searching, only to be looking at the same type of jobs that I’ve hated for years! This e-mail came just in the nick of time! I now have to step back, learn to relax and not be so panicked, and move toward something that I will be so much happier at! Wherever it takes me, I have to realize that “waiting for clarity” is the way to go for me! Thanks!!!