The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: So this relationship thing, I am really glad to be talking about this with you. Let me give you some feedback on what you wrote: you have ‘100% commitment to resist in order to do what I want’ and ‘I am constantly pulled by ‘do I want to do my own thing and be happy or should I do this thing fully for both of us so that we both can be happy in two years?’ Which one will ultimately give the relationship a chance at success: your being happy or you making the relationship happy?

Client: Probably, if I’m happy. I think.

David: You’re not sure, are you?

Client: Well, when my partner says things like, ‘well, you know we should do this together and we’re doing it for our future’… I kind of get distracted by those things, and I think for him, that’s really important that we do these things together. He requires like 100% of my time and my energy and my effort. Then I think, in order for it to work, then I shouldn’t be doing that. Does that make sense?

David: Yeah, I can totally get it. So, there’s a lot of ‘should’ in there. Now, how would you live your life differently today, if all of your ‘shoulds’ disappeared in an instant?

Client: Then I’d live my life as I’d want to live it.