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2. FEATURE: A Coaching Technique (Part I)
Thomas Leonard (known as ‘the father of coaching’) raved about Tom Stone and actually hired him as his own personal coach before he died. So when Tom Stone approached me with his Core Dynamics technology I was of course interested.
I asked Tom for an article on this powerful stuff, and here it is, structured as an interview. And on a topic I’m personally interested in…
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What is Core Dynamics Coaching?
We are pioneering a revolutionary new form of coaching called Core Dynamics Coaching. In Core Dynamics Coach Training we teach some things that are a bit out of the box, that is, different from most conventional coaching approaches. In Core Dynamics Coach Training, we teach coaches how to help clients learn the distinction between Thinking and Knowing.
In order to get this distinction it is necessary to help your client have a new range of experiences that assists them in truly getting the difference between intellectually understanding something vs. knowing things through directly and fully experiencing them.
Makes sense. How would you define conventional coaching?
For example, one of the most common things that people want from coaching is to accomplish something that they have been having difficulty in doing. Whether it is starting a new business, finding the perfect mate, writing a book, buying a house, or deciding to change careers, people are often looking for help in being able to make decisions that are important to them in their lives. Decisions that are going to lead them to the fulfillment of their desires or dreams.
Conventional coaching often involves helping people to clarify what it is that they really want, then helping them to make a plan to get it and then keeping them accountable for accomplishing the goal. This is good but sometimes there is an enormous expenditure of energy on the client’s part to overcome obstacles and “make it happen.”
How is Core Dynamics different?
Is there an even better way? Perhaps there is. If we want to know how to best have something happen in our life, why not take a look at how nature operates and see how the universe makes things happen?
Interestingly enough, one of the primary principles in nature doesn’t have anything to do with setting goals and then making it happen. It is instead a natural phenomenon that physicists call the law of least action. The principle of least action is what is operating throughout nature. It is used to govern the rotation of the planets around the sun and the rotation of the stars around the galaxy. It is what is used when plants synthesis sunlight, water and nutrients into the fibers of the plant itself. It is the principle that insures that everything in nature gets done with the least expenditure of energy, with maximum efficiency.
What would it be like if there were a way to coach people in such a way that they could get aligned with the awesome power of the principle of least action in nature? Well, there is.
Sounds smart. So….how do we align our clients with this power?
Get ready because this is not going to be what you are used to! The principle that you can teach people (and by the way it might be a good idea to get good at this yourself) is… to wait for clarity. What? Wait for clarity? What do you mean by that? Well if you’ll just wait for a moment for clarity, I’ll make it clear. 😉
We are heavily conditioned to think that the best way to operate in the world is to “just do it.” Action is king. Taking action is thought to be an important ingredient in the process of manifesting your desires. Certainly action is good, but well placed, well timed action is infinitely superior to just taking action out of a feeling of pressure or desperateness or need or longing for a particular result.
We take well timed actions all the time. When you stop at a red traffic light, it’s a well timed action. Running the light might not be so well timed, particularly if other cars are coming where you are crossing. If you think about it, driving is a great example; we have to have quite perfect timing in driving on freeways. Just changing lanes, for example, requires perfect timing if there’s a lot of traffic.
Right. And is there a cost to not having perfect timing?
There certainly is. How often have you seen it in your client’s lives, or your life for that matter, that you get the idea to do something and jump into it impulsively only to have it end in frustration or bitterness. Why is this so common? It’s because people are trying to force the world to bend to their will and the laws of nature don’t tend to cooperate with that. This is because it is violating the law of least action.
Here’s an example. You’re single and you’d like to find a romantic partner. You meet someone and there’s some real juice in the beginning. So you move in together after a few dates (or worse, you decide to get married) only to discover that 6 months into the relationship you are miserable and kicking yourself for making a commitment before you really knew who this person was after all. Ever done that? Most of us have and some keep doing it over and over again.
But isn’t acting quickly a good thing?
Let’s face it; we are conditioned to be impulsive. But impulsivity gets us into trouble just about every time because it is violating a law of nature. “The idea of waiting, though, it seems so counterintuitive,” you might say. Actually, it is counter-conditioning. We are taught that being spontaneous is a good thing. And it very well can be but most people don’t know the distinction between spontaneity and impulsiveness. Spontaneity has a simple naturalness to it. There is no “charge” or pressure to make a decision. It’s just a kind of knowing that something is right for you.
Impulsivity, on the other hand, has an emotional charge to it. “I can’t wait to do this!!!” “It’s going to be great!” Usually there is an element of desperateness in it as in jumping into that relationship with the wrong person just because you wanted to be in a relationship so badly. Or the regret about buying that stock that tanked or the house or car that turned out to be a disaster.
OK! Waiting good. But what does it mean to ‘wait for clarity’?
Align yourself with nature’s principle.
Developing a whole new style of operating, where you consciously choose to align with nature’s principle of least action in your life, involves three things:
- Becoming aware of the tendency to make impulsive decisions
- Noticing when you are about to decide impulsively and “unplugging” from making that decision or taking that action
- Waiting until you have that natural sense of quiet certainty. There is a quality of “of course” that dawns when you become completely clear about it. Often the clarity will also come with understanding of “why” it is a good decision and that now is the time. But it can also be that you simply “know” and you don’t have to explain it or even understand it intellectually, you just know that it is right or not for you in that moment.
by Tom Stone
Founder – Great Life Technologies, LLC
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How to use this technology
If this article speaks to you, and you would like a low-cost way to access the Core Dynamics technology, I recommend you pick up Tom’s CD set. Pick up valuable techniques to use on your own life, and with your clients! Get it here.
Action: Wait for Clarity
- Can you recall a situation where you rushed in before waiting for clarity? Or one where you waited for clarity and you’re glad you did?
- What situation in your life, right now, involves you pushing into action before you feel clear? Where might it be helpful to step back and wait for a little clarity before moving ahead?
- Share your answers on the blog!
Next Issue…
In our next issue, Part II, Tom expands on how to wait and the benefits that can come from this simple yet powerful process.
Enjoy!
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