Inner Firewalking

Growing Confidence

Posted by David Wood

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Hey, not everyone wants to be around me all the time. In fact, most don’t. They just want to be around me sometimes.

Client: Yeah.

David: So there’s this whole thing about the concept of loving yourself, and I think most of us don’t. I think I’m even still getting there. There are things about us that we just think are wrong. Now, the fact is, it’s not true. Anything about myself that I think I can criticize… Are you a religious person?

Client: Oh yeah, kind of.

David: OK, so let’s use the concept of God. You know God loves all of us. Why shouldn’t we? Who are we, if God says, ‘Look, you’re you and you’re magnificent’, then who are we to say, ‘No, I’m not’?

Client: Yeah, true.

David: That’s really, actually, quite obnoxious. It’s arrogant to say, ‘You know, my lack of confidence is a real problem, God. I shouldn’t have that. That sucks and I’m going to try and fix it every day.’ You know what I mean?

Client: Yes. Okay. That sounds good.

David: So at some point you’ll have this. You’ll have it from time to time, and then you’ll forget it and just go ‘Ah, I’m not going to give that any energy anymore, because it’s okay. I can be unconfident’. At some point it’ll be appropriate for you to have more confidence.

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Understanding Coaching Boundaries

Posted by David Wood

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: I know a woman, a coach, whose brother is an alcoholic. For years she had to put up with hell – her brother coming and taking her car, being at family get-togethers, and all this stuff – and her story, her sorry story, was, ‘Well, he’s my brother and what can I do?’

Client: Yeah.

David: She finally did the kindest thing she could do; she said, ‘You are not welcome in my house while you’re drinking. You cannot have my car, you cannot walk in my house, and you are not allowed at family gatherings. I love you. You’re my brother, but that is the boundary I am setting.’ Do you know what happened?

Client: What, he became sober?

David: I’m not so sure about that, but what I do know is this woman became more powerful and she wasn’t a victim anymore. Now I am wondering what it would take for you? I have to be careful that I don’t ask for something here.

Client: I have to grow up. I am a victim.

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Stability is Over Rated

Posted by David Wood

The following is an excerpt David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: It’s interesting that you should say that, because often times it’s easy to say or think that the grass is always greener on the other side. You can get into a bit of a habit about changing jobs.

David: You can. But, you know, I think that stability is overrated. I’ve got to say, I just had a client session today and she was saying, ‘I switched from this to that, and then I’d do this and whatever, and maybe there’s something wrong with me.’ and I said, ‘Well, maybe there is, but maybe your parents just taught you that you should pick something and stick to it, and maybe that’s not the way life has to be. Maybe you should play guitar for a while and join a band, then maybe you should try another career, say, mowing grass. Then maybe you want to be an accountant. I say, what’s the harm? As long as you follow your passion and you’re enjoying it as you do it, and you don’t spend ten years studying just to see if you like it. If you love it keep doing it, and if something else grabs your fancy go and do that.’

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Setting Up A Coaching Plan

Posted by David Wood

The following is a transcription taken from Explode Your Practice.

David: So lets talk about setting up the game and what the elements of a coaching career might be. Now I know you understand that week to week there will be a lot of improvising.

They are driving the car.

David: Yes they are driving it and a lot of things are going to come up and your job is not to tell them what to do but to simply question and help them along the path. I understand that you understand that. Now on top of that what we want to do is give an overriding structure so they have some kind of order. It’s like how do you play soccer without lines drawn on the field, that’s really silly. So let’s draw some lines and then they’ll play the game and then we will improvise as we go along in the game.

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Witnessing Real Change

Posted by David Wood

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: And have you seen people make significant changes?

David: I have, I have. I have one client who wanted to find another job. She wasn’t happy with what she had, so we created the perfect job for her; what would it look like, how much money would it be, where would it be, what she would be doing. I was actually very surprised, because within three weeks, she had it.

Ingrid: You’re kidding, in three weeks? It sounds like you’re a bit of a dream catcher.

David: Well, the reason I hesitate sometimes to mention those examples is because someone might go, ‘Oh, that’ll happen for me.’ That’s not always true. In fact, I’ve worked with people for six months on something and they may not fully achieve their goal. But, their life for those six months is completely different because they’re actually fully engaged in what they say is important to them. If you know people around you who are on track to what they want and people who have no idea, there’s a very different flavor in their life.

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Dealing With Hurt

Posted by David Wood

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Now, one of the things I think is a real opportunity might be this area with your brother.

Client: Mm hmm.

David: Let’s deal with that really quickly. So you wrote on your form, ‘I didn’t call my brother by Thursday as planned. I can’t remember if I forgot or didn’t want to deal with it.’ I’m going to suggest the same thing: that often we forget, because it’s something that we didn’t want to do.

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Home

Growing Confidence

Understanding Coaching Boundaries

Stability is Over Rated

Setting Up A Coaching Plan

Witnessing Real Change

Dealing With Hurt