Ingrid: You speak with people perhaps once a week for a half an hour, or an hour. How do they carry that through to all of the other hours in their week?
David: Right. Well, most of the work actually occurs off the call. Someone comes to me, we’ll spend thirty minutes on the call, and we’ll agree on homework. So I’m asking them, ‘What are you going to do in the next seven days?’ I’ll come up with a list of things, and then I might suggest some things. How about this? How about that? So they’ve actually got a list of actions to carry out. Then when it comes time for the call in the next week, they’ll sit down and do some preparation. They look at what they’ve achieved, what they meant to achieve but didn’t, and they might even create some action steps for the following week. Then they’ll decide what we’re going to work on that week. It’s actually amazing – even before they come to the call, they’ve coached themselves, and they’ve really covered a lot of ground.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Because it’s beautiful! I don’t know where how he’s going to take it, you know? Who knows?
Client: Yeah.
David: I didn’t have his childhood. I don’t know what his life’s like right now. I don’t know what it means to him. I don’t know how attached he might be to this business idea. We have no idea, but that’s not the point. This is powerful and it’s beautiful and I can see you sharing it with him and giving him the opportunity to share his thoughts and what he needs. Here’s what I want for you. I want you to have this support.
Client: Okay. Yeah, it’ll be interesting to see if he’ll give it.
David: It will be. I say that a relationship without having this support from your partner is not really a relationship.
Okay.
David: Now, if you’re doing the business, then and I’m going to assert this – it’s not the truth, but I’m going to assert it and if you decide to take it on, you can take it on and you can assert it too – if you do support him in the business, then you can request or demand his support. You deserve it. If you don’t do the business, then you can request or demand his support.
Client: Mm hmm.
David: You deserve it!
David: How would you feel about delaying leaving about 10 minutes so you could call your dad?
Client: I don’t know. I am planning on speaking to him tonight. Do you want me to get into this on the phone or do you just need to connect with him?
David: Well I don’t want you to get into this, because this is not about my life. In my experience, the longer this waits – like it’s already there for you to communicate to him and you just tapped into something today. It’s already there for you and you just found a way to communicate. So, for you to wait is to take you out of that space, and it’s going to weigh on you until you communicate it.
Client: Oh.
David: So, I’ve found that the only time really to communicate something like this is as soon as you can get yourself to a phone and say what you need to say. So then you can spend the rest of the evening just free and feeling like you said what you needed to say.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: There is something huge about you and your son, and there is something huge for you about self-care. I am not going to get into the psychology of it, since I’m not a psychologist – they know more than me – but there is possibly an identity you have for yourself as a mother. It might be time for you to let go of that and step into the identity of Kathy, doing what Kathy knows is right. What would it take for you to say no to your son?
Client: Yeah, that’s a big one.
David: Let me put it a better way, what would it take for you to say no to something that is detrimental to your son and to you?
Client: I am confused as to what I have to say no to.
David: I don’t think you’re confused at all. I don’t think you want to hear it or want to do it.
Client: No, I don’t want to do it.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: It’s a great cycle too. It’s like a lot of things in life, which you’ll notice as you coach. When you’re not feeling well or not happy in yourself, then you start eating worse foods. You want more chocolate – more this and that to reward yourself – and then you make yourself feel even worse. It’s a great cycle, perpetuating. Similarly, there is a positive cycle, right? If you eat healthier foods, you start feeling better about your life, so you’ll want healthier foods. You can have whichever cycle you like. Which one would you like?
Client: I want the one that is easier on myself. This chaos is just crazy and I’m tired of it. Healthy eating is one thing I battle with big time. Mentally, I battle with healthy foods.
David: It’s funny that they’re all linked.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: How often do you work out?
Client: I got sick again, so I haven’t again, but I try to go at least four times a week.
David: How often do you work out?
Client: Well lately it’s been – I haven’t since I moved here, so it’s been once or twice.
David: Okay, so is that something that would support you if you worked out four times a week, something that would –
Client: Oh yeah.
David: – help your brain chill out?
Client: Absolutely.
David: Okay, so what’s it going to take to have you exercise four times a week?
Client: I just need to get more disciplined with the hours I spend at work, and ensure that I get some more sleep than I’m getting. I’m –
David: I’ve got a little warning bell going off.
Client: What’s that?
David: When someone says, ‘I’ve just got to get more disciplined,’ or, ‘I’ve just got to do it,’ that doesn’t always, in fact, it often doesn’t equate to doing it.
