The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: It’s interesting: the concern about the lack of confidence, which I know you’ve had for possibly all your life.
Client: Yes, probably. Well, since primary school anyway.
David: Okay. My question is: when would you like to accept that part of yourself?
Client: What do you mean, ‘accept it’?
David: Well, you’ve been concerned about it, like a worry.
Client: Yeah.
David: It’s kind of like a child, right. A child who goes out and plays a lot. Sometimes you might be really concerned and you got to look every five minutes, and then at some point you might just go, ‘Look, he’s a kid. He’s playing. He’s in the back yard. He’s going to do whatever he’s going to do, so I’m not concerned anymore. Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen.’
Client: Mm hmm.
David: So, I’m just wondering, at what point would you like to stop being concerned about your lack of confidence, and really just accept that that’s something that you should have right now?
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: Doing what makes me feel happy would be a great situation for me.
David: Okay, how can you even shorten that? Let’s get it punchier, so you can remember that whenever you need to?
Client: Maybe, ‘Doing what makes me feel happy is fantastic’?
David: Right. Okay. I get that. How about, ‘I should do what makes me happy’.
Client: Yes, but I want to get away from the ‘shoulds’.
David: Yes. I get it.
Client: What about, ‘Doing what makes me feel happy lightens up the world’?
David: Aha. Now you’re talking. How do you like that?
Client: Yeah. I like that. That feels really good. I’m actually going to print this up on my computer in really big writing and just stick it up on my desk.
David: [laughing] That’s great. I was about to suggest it. You need some kind of structure to support this shift and you jumped right in. ‘…lightens up the world’, which I know you believe too. We’ve just done two really important things for your authenticity and your integrity.
Client: It feels huge. Feels like one of those really big areas under the carpet that’s affecting everything, until you can gradually peel back the table that was on top of the carpet and then actually do some cleaning.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Yeah. Groovy. Now I want to acknowledge you, too, because I think, yes, you can be hard on yourself. I’m seeing, from this form, that you are aware of what’s happening around you, and you’re making decisions and you’re making movements and you’re looking at your life.
Client: Absolutely.
David: That’s what I want for you, that you’re continually doing that. If you notice any conversation in your head about, ‘Oh, I’m terrible,’ or, ‘I’m not getting stuff done,’ or, ‘I’m not doing enough,’ or like that, firstly you can say, ‘Thanks for sharing,’ and let it go. But secondly, you can do what you’ve done here in the form. This is perfect. Write down the stuff that you intended to do, write down what you didn’t do, and write down what you’re going to do and then do it.
Client: Exactly.
David: That’s perfect.
Client: All right.
David: Great.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: My partner says, ‘How’s he going to change all these A type people to something different?’
David: What is an A type person?
Client: They never sit still; never stop thinking.
David: And who is she referring to?
Client: Me.
David: Oh, and how am I going to change an A type person?
Client: Yeah. How’s anyone going to change me, calm me down or whatever?
David: We will see this week. What it takes ultimately for everyone is the awareness of it. It’s not like someone just telling you. It can take from a day to ten years depending on where you are at this stage. But we can start with building your awareness. If you resist it, that’s okay. Notice it every step of the way. Here are a couple of ways to achieve this – set targets you can actually achieve. One of them is called double padding. You set the target for each day; estimate how long each will take and double the time. Say it’s going to take 7 hours, so you double pad it saying it’s going to take 14 hours. You know the funny thing is it really does take 14 hours – you are just telling your brain you are double padding. Another thing is to set spaces in your day, like an hour space in the afternoon. It’s a good way to do the experiment if you are willing to go for it. You’re paying for this, so you might as well use it.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Yeah. Okay, fair enough. This is great because I know you’ve distinguished here that you’ve wanted to exercise four times a week, but you’ve actually got a structure in your life that’s taking away from that, which is having your boyfriend over a lot. Right?
Client: Mm hmm.
David: Which is wonderful, but it’s just not supporting you in that area of your life, which is exercising and letting your brain switch off, and like that.
Client: Exactly.
David: How would this feel for you if you actually, for the next month, for the next 30 days you exercise four times a week?
Client: I would be a different human being.
David: Okay.
Client: I know this already.
David: Yeah, so we’re on the right track with this, because I like to check in that we’ve got the right goal.
Client: Yes.
David: That sounds wonderful. Now I want to ask you, because we’re almost there – we’re almost there and you’re going to be alone four times a week, so that’s great – now does that feel handled to you, or do you want to keep going in terms of structure? Because there are more structures you can put in place.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: So that is the case for some people – it does require a great deal of study or skill development before they can move into their actual career – so it’s not as simple as just switching from one to the other. What do you say to those people?
David: That’s a good point. What I would say is, see if you can stick your big toe in the water. So, if for example, with medicine, it takes a long time to become a qualified doctor, instead of going and studying to be a doctor for many years to see if you like it, see if you can get a job as an assistant somewhere in a hospital or around a doctor’s surgery. That way you can start getting involved with it. Get videos out, start kind of immersing yourself in that area to see if it feels good for you. Then maybe there’s an interim step.
