The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
See, there’s a lot of confrontational stuff in the world – I was going to use the word energy, and I thought that was a bit to airy-fairy – but there’s a lot of confrontation happening, and I don’t think that’s the best or most fulfilling way to go about it. I would suggest partnering with your boss in some way and working out what you think you’re worth. Then ask your boss’s honest opinion.
Now, that may not work, and there may come a time when you need to draw a line and you say, You know, if I am worth more than this, and if I don’t get paid more than this, than I respect your decision but I need to go elsewhere.’ Which brings me to point two. I said there were two or three different ways that I think would be obvious to get a pay raise.
One would be going and saying, ‘I’d like a pay raise now.’ Another great idea would be to go to your boss and say, ‘Look, I want a pay raise. I’d like to be earning fifty percent more than I’m earning and I’d like to get it within a reasonable time frame. Now who do I have to be and what do I have to contribute to this company to be worth that to you?’ So there you can partner with your boss and your boss can reach out to take a look. ‘Well, if you achieve these targets, that might be worth it. If you got this training that might be worth it.’ You can actually create a career plan together.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: It makes total sense. It would just be total shock factor for my dad. I mean, we don’t talk as closely as I’d like to as a rule. For me to suddenly to come out with something like this…
David: Yeah. I get it. That’s why I gave that tip on placing him, and you might need to do a little more. As a matter of fact, I’ve called people I haven’t spoken to in twenty years and told them I’ve got something to apologize for. Do you think they didn’t find that a little unusual? So, I just told the truth. I said, ‘You know, you might find this a little bit strange – I feel a bit strange in calling you – but I just got some clarity. I realize something that I haven’t been sharing with you and I want to do it now. Do you have a couple of minutes just to listen?’ That’s all you need to do.
Client: I’d really like to get to that.
David: I know you’re able to do it, and I totally get this is new for you. This isn’t something you’ve practiced every day. I’m just saying, would you call your dad after this call and to treat him as your dad – treat him as someone who really does want the best for you – and just share with him what’s been going on with his little girl.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Well, you may not like this answer Ingrid, but what I would first do is ask you, ‘Are you worth more than you’re currently being paid?’
Ingrid: Now that’s a very hard thing to answer.
David: Yeah.
Ingrid: Especially publicly here, David.
David: Yeah, well that’s where we’d start. What I would suggest that you do – and this might be something that you did for homework – is to actually list what you contribute to the company. Not just what you contribute in terms of the specific job you do, but there might be other things in terms of maybe how enthusiastic you are around work, or the drive and the initiative you show. So that might be a great homework exercise, for you to list exactly what you contribute. Then you could start getting a feel for what you think you’re worth, and should you be paid more or should you not. That would at least start a discussion with your boss.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: So I’m going to have to be a little more forgiving, because obviously I’m the one that it’s affecting. I need to be a little more forgiving, a little more open and honest.
David: I think that’s a start. Now I want to help you go to the next level.
Client: I need that!
David: Great, because there are two more levels here to look at. One is, you said a little more forgiving and a little more open. How about completely forgiving your mother for how she did motherhood? How about saying that she did motherhood the best that she knew how. Yeah, she might kick herself now looking back, but at the time, she didn’t say, ‘look I really want to screw up motherhood today’. She never said that. So how about taking on that perspective and completely forgiving your mother, and seeing her as a human being?
Paul: I think it’s very easy not to look on your mother as a human being sometimes.
David: Yes! Absolutely. You know we grow up as little boys and we become little boys in men’s bodies. We’ve still got that perspective. Then when we finally see our mother as trying to do motherhood… People express feelings in certain ways, right? As kids we want them to be open and loving. Most people aren’t.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Remember any feelings you have about it, they are all natural and all okay to have. They don’t mean anything. They’re just feelings and part of being a human being. Feel it all. It’s okay.
Client: Okay. All right. Sounds good.
David: I don’t normally say this, but I am here for you.
Client: I really appreciate that. When I emailed you during the week – that really helped.
David: Some people are going through little changes, some big. You are normal and natural if you wanted a little more support. The message is, if you ever need to call me or email me, please do it. My guess is, you’re only going to need two or three minutes, especially since you are on a great path.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: Are you saying finances could be a source of joy?
David: Absolutely. The first step you need to find out is, how much is going in or out each month.
Ingrid: That sounds like a budget.
David: It sort of is. You need to find out how much is going in and out. If more is coming in than going out, you are going to be feeling good. You’ll know you are going in the right directions. It makes an amazing difference.
Ingrid: Making that first step can be sort of like going to the dentist when you haven’t gone in thirteen years. You don’t know what to expect. You don’t know how much you are spending and you don’t want to know.
David: Right. You don’t want to look at it. Don’t do a budget first. As a great first step, decide why you are saving. You need to know what you are saving for. You aren’t going to want the pain when you don’t know the gain. Pick something – it could be a five year or ten year target – a vacation, to be financially independent, feeling good with twenty grand in the bank should you ever need it.
