The following is a transcription taken from Explode Your Practice.
David: So lets talk about setting up the game and what the elements of a coaching career might be. Now I know you understand that week to week there will be a lot of improvising.
They are driving the car.
David: Yes they are driving it and a lot of things are going to come up and your job is not to tell them what to do but to simply question and help them along the path. I understand that you understand that. Now on top of that what we want to do is give an overriding structure so they have some kind of order. It’s like how do you play soccer without lines drawn on the field, that’s really silly. So let’s draw some lines and then they’ll play the game and then we will improvise as we go along in the game.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: And have you seen people make significant changes?
David: I have, I have. I have one client who wanted to find another job. She wasn’t happy with what she had, so we created the perfect job for her; what would it look like, how much money would it be, where would it be, what she would be doing. I was actually very surprised, because within three weeks, she had it.
Ingrid: You’re kidding, in three weeks? It sounds like you’re a bit of a dream catcher.
David: Well, the reason I hesitate sometimes to mention those examples is because someone might go, ‘Oh, that’ll happen for me.’ That’s not always true. In fact, I’ve worked with people for six months on something and they may not fully achieve their goal. But, their life for those six months is completely different because they’re actually fully engaged in what they say is important to them. If you know people around you who are on track to what they want and people who have no idea, there’s a very different flavor in their life.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Now, one of the things I think is a real opportunity might be this area with your brother.
Client: Mm hmm.
David: Let’s deal with that really quickly. So you wrote on your form, ‘I didn’t call my brother by Thursday as planned. I can’t remember if I forgot or didn’t want to deal with it.’ I’m going to suggest the same thing: that often we forget, because it’s something that we didn’t want to do.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: So this relationship thing, I am really glad to be talking about this with you. Let me give you some feedback on what you wrote: you have ‘100% commitment to resist in order to do what I want’ and ‘I am constantly pulled by ‘do I want to do my own thing and be happy or should I do this thing fully for both of us so that we both can be happy in two years?’ Which one will ultimately give the relationship a chance at success: your being happy or you making the relationship happy?
Client: Probably, if I’m happy. I think.
David: You’re not sure, are you?
Client: Well, when my partner says things like, ‘well, you know we should do this together and we’re doing it for our future’… I kind of get distracted by those things, and I think for him, that’s really important that we do these things together. He requires like 100% of my time and my energy and my effort. Then I think, in order for it to work, then I shouldn’t be doing that. Does that make sense?
David: Yeah, I can totally get it. So, there’s a lot of ‘should’ in there. Now, how would you live your life differently today, if all of your ‘shoulds’ disappeared in an instant?
Client: Then I’d live my life as I’d want to live it.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: But can you get that you might – like your little secret, don’t tell anybody – can you get that you might be having perfect weeks and you just don’t know it, like no one told you?
Client: Hmm. Yep.
David: I want you to play with that, and know that when you judge yourself, ‘I’m not having enough, I’m not doing enough,’ that’ll come up all the time. That’s okay. You don’t need to stop that. Just notice that it’s coming up. But I just want you to remember what I said, that you might be having perfect weeks and no one told you.
Client: Hmm.
David: Now, moving on with the stuff that you put down on your form, I want to tell you my perspective on all this, because as a coach I’ve got certain opinions on where you are and what you’ve done. I love it. I think you’re perfectly on track, and I love it. I know that the finances are an issue, and I’m really happy to see that you’ve actually taken action on that, because you could have just left it and kind of just made that another thing for you to bear. But you haven’t done that, so well done on moving forward on it.
The following is an excerpt of an interview with David in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: Just tell us. Super stars are into these, and regular people too, but what does a life coach do?
David: Executives these days are also using life coaches. A ‘coach’; I mean the word is presumptuous. I’m saying life coach, but really, a life coach helps people to get clear on what they do want in life. Many people you know never tell you what they don’t want in life, and you might hear people around you complain. A coach’s job is to help someone actually clarify goals they’d love to achieve in their life. The second thing a coach does is work with them once a week – usually on the phone, sometimes face to face – to actually make sure those goals get achieved.
Ingrid: When you say, ‘work out what people want to do in their life’, I wouldn’t even know where to start half the time.
David: You know, that often happens where people say, ‘I don’t know what I want.’ so one of the things I do with a client, is to help them go through a goal-finding process. We might start with what you don’t want. So we’ll look at what you’re putting up with in your life – what you’re tolerating, what don’t you like. Then we can start looking at different areas like relationships, health, career, finance, and start setting some goals that would really feel good to you to achieve.
