The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.
David: OK, so we’ve got some lovely things that can help them develop life purpose. Again, they could be thinking life purpose or they could be thinking career. For some people it’s mixed, but for some people life purpose is just too hard. They just want something that will fulfill them. It’s not much different, but that way you can say it in words they can understand. You can say, let’s find a career direction, something you can do with your life that will make an impact and have you feel fulfillment, which is what they’re after.
Let me give you a model that I have been using with my clients. I’ve had mixed success with it, but for some people it works really well. The model is Vision, Mission, Games. How it works is, I have them write down their vision if the world was perfect, what would they want for their vision? It has to include more than them. Then once they’ve got that, they write a mission: how they will personally bring about that vision. Maybe world peace is the vision or harmony between all people. The mission might be something like, to expand people’s awareness of who they are and inspire them to grow. Mission doesn’t have to be that specific. I like to have the vision and the mission be quite broad. The games, or projects is another word for this, are anything you can do that would contribute to that.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Great. Yeah. Not just one. Now with technology – because we’re not talking 20 years ago, we’re talking now – do you think it’s possible that you could develop a medium or a way of delivering that service or product without you having to be in a particular physical location? Do you think you’d actually do it from home, and then use the technology we have available today to deliver some kind of service or product?
Client: Yes.
David: Okay, so are we done on that one?
Client: Yeah. (Laughs). Okay. Yeah, touché.
David: Okay.
Client: Okay. All right. Yes.
David: Yes. I get the question all the time when I help coaches. They say, ‘Look, would people pay me to coach them?’ I find it similar to your question, which is basically, ‘Would people pay me to do something from home, or that I can do living in a nice location?’ I say that the answers are the same to both of those questions. It’s not so much about would people pay you, it’s a question of what would people pay you for.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: I’d love to see you test market a video. Show lots of people. What’s the demand; what do they want? If you need 10 or 15 grand to get a really good one done, okay. Then you go look for some capital to get a video done. But, that’s one project. Then you might look at something else. I mean, it’s a fun thing to look at and to think about. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t had experience with a lot of getting a whole bunch of capital and going out great guns, but I really thought you’d do that when you want speed to market.
Client: I agree. I see what you’re saying. I think that’s how it usually ends up falling, but I just think about all the other businesses. You’ve got my mind rolling. I’m looking back saying, ‘Okay, when I started this business, how did it really get started? How did it become successful?’ It was a ramping up.
David: I’m a huge believer in that.
Client: That’s a good point. That’s very true. You’re right on that.
David: So it’s like a dance. You get to grow totally in tune with your market, and responding to your market, instead of coming up with this plan of what you think the market will take – instead of going out there and hoping. Okay. So have some fun with that. There’s a good point to it, to feel out the market. It’s responding to what you feel, rather than trying to tell it what it should be.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Yeah, but what I can see is the possibility that like as you’re going through your roller coaster, she’s got her own version that she’s trying to move through and deal with it all, so I can totally get that if you called her – see, look at how confused you’ve been, right, and you’ve got me to help you through it. She’s on her own. Who’s going to help her through it? Her man? She’s probably not talking to him about it. So she’s dealing with that, and each time, if you do go back to her to try and get your need met, you can be turning her life upside down a little bit. So just something to bear in mind.
Client: Yeah, exactly. I was just thinking whether that’s actually selfish of me to actually do that.
David: Yeah. So the coaching is to stay present, stay aware in each moment, to check in with her as to what she wants and what would support her. If what would support her is not hearing your voice, then yeah, she’s made it pretty clear and you can decide if you want to do that, or if it’s more important to you to get your need met, which I suspect it isn’t, from what I’ve heard from you today.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Well I know you are, Ingrid, but there’s some people out there who may feel a little less than perfect. Now here’s the thing. Often, when we look for a relationship, and I include myself in this, often when we look, we’re looking because we don’t feel whole and complete on our own. We’re not happy and we feel lonely, and therefore we want a relationship to feel connected. Okay? That’s very common.
Ingrid: All right, so what you’re saying then is that we have to feel whole before we start looking?
David: You don’t have to, but it helps. It helps so much. What I would say is you want to be enjoying your life, and that is your number one priority. Actually, it’s your number one priority on the planet, we could say. You must be enjoying your life. So if you’re really desperate for a relationship – and there’s nothing wrong with that; many times I’ve been very desperate to have some company or have someone in a relationship – what you want to look at is whether you’re enjoying your life. If you’re not – which is very likely if you’re desperate for a relationship – you want to look at what you could do to your life to have it be more fun for you. Then, the irony is, if you spend a couple of months on this and you go and get your house looking the way you want it to look, you get your clothes looking the way you want them to look, you go to the gym – if that’s bugging you; only if it’s bugging you – and you really start enjoying your life – maybe buying that guitar and taking some lessons, and going out to that club you want to go at – you are going to be so much more attractive to everybody.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: Well that’s it. I mean, that would be a hard question for me to actually go over there now, because –
David: But I’m wondering if you want that.
Client: Exactly. I mean, she wanted me to keep traveling with her, and I didn’t want to because I’ve done enough traveling, and I still don’t want to do that. So yeah, I don’t think I’d even make that.
David: Yeah, so it was interesting how I picked it up, the way you said it. You said to her, ‘I’m not going to go and do it because you don’t want that,’ but really you’re not going to come and do it because you don’t want that.
Client: No. Exactly.
David: That’s a very different place to come from. ‘This doesn’t support me, and it doesn’t support you, so it’s just really clear,’ rather than, ‘If you wanted me to, I’d be over there,’ which is sneaky, isn’t it?
Client: I guess I’m always trying to protect myself from getting sort of hurt, or giving away too much. I don’t want to seem like I’m this pathetic, slobbering thing that’s baying for her, which I almost have been. I think she lost respect for me when I was like that.
