The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: I guess it is and it seems you’re clear as to why I asked you that question.
Client: Well, you’re trying to find what it is that’s motivating me, I presume.
David: There seems to be a strong focus for you on what isn’t working, and the words are in here: Sherry, awesome weather, value time with my daughter. You’ve got your achievements and what you are grateful for, but I don’t get that you’re really present to it; that it’s not really there for you in each moment.
Client: No, it’s probably not. I’m trying to find my way out of it to change that. I guess it’s the thing that I most want than I am happiest with, because I haven’t got what I want to make me happy. That wasn’t very well put, was it?
David: That’s okay. What I am pretty clear on is what you want over the next 12 months that will make you happier. I think that when you get out of this job, it will make a big difference in your life. I understand that. What I really want to know is what could you do – what’s it going to take – over the next 7 days, for you to enjoy those?
Client: [laughing] I can’t chuck my job – that’s not a very useful thing.
David: That might be something I’d actually challenge on another occasion, about whether or not you can do that. But, I’m not going to do it for now. We’ll leave that for you. We’ve not just that to work on.
The following is an excerpt of an interview with David in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: Just tell us. Super stars are into these, and regular people too, but what does a life coach do?
David: Executives these days are also using life coaches. A ‘coach’; I mean the word is presumptuous. I’m saying life coach, but really, a life coach helps people to get clear on what they do want in life. Many people you know never tell you what they don’t want in life, and you might hear people around you complain. A coach’s job is to help someone actually clarify goals they’d love to achieve in their life. The second thing a coach does is work with them once a week – usually on the phone, sometimes face to face – to actually make sure those goals get achieved.
Ingrid: When you say, ‘work out what people want to do in their life’, I wouldn’t even know where to start half the time.
David: You know, that often happens where people say, ‘I don’t know what I want.’ so one of the things I do with a client, is to help them go through a goal-finding process. We might start with what you don’t want. So we’ll look at what you’re putting up with in your life – what you’re tolerating, what don’t you like. Then we can start looking at different areas like relationships, health, career, finance, and start setting some goals that would really feel good to you to achieve.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Yeah, we think of it as a black and white, and all it is, is a combination of doing a few different things and a few different skills that happen to draw an income. It happens to be rewarded with money in our society. So you get to play this game, and you get paid, and you tend to get paid ongoing. It’s not just for one week.
Client: Yeah, exactly.
David: That’s really all a job is. So you could play that kind of structure or you could step out of that structure and say, ‘You know, I want to create my own thing where I’m creating value, not for an organization, but for myself.’ People often call that a business.
Client: Yes. Okay.
David: Which you could do with a bunch of people or you could do on your own. To me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care if you do a business or find an existing business that does what you want. It doesn’t really matter. All I care about is that what you’re doing expresses the values of truth, love, courage and fun/happiness.
David: How about your dad – why don’t you pretend I’m dad?
Client: Okay.
David: Without even working it out, or thinking it out, I want you to say honestly what’s there for you to say.
Client: I basically feel that I come second to now to your new family. I feel that the plans that you make are based firstly on what works best for Carmen and her children, and whatever time is left is set aside for my son and me. I realize that I don’t reach out and I don’t talk to you every day, like Carmen’s daughter calls her every day. I’d like to change that. I’d like to call – maybe not every day – but call more often. I’d just like us to be closer.
David: Wow! That was beautiful, Kelly!
Client: Well, thanks.
David: That was like someone that had done three years in communication study. That was just beautiful and straight.
Ingrid: You speak with people perhaps once a week for a half an hour, or an hour. How do they carry that through to all of the other hours in their week?
David: Right. Well, most of the work actually occurs off the call. Someone comes to me, we’ll spend thirty minutes on the call, and we’ll agree on homework. So I’m asking them, ‘What are you going to do in the next seven days?’ I’ll come up with a list of things, and then I might suggest some things. How about this? How about that? So they’ve actually got a list of actions to carry out. Then when it comes time for the call in the next week, they’ll sit down and do some preparation. They look at what they’ve achieved, what they meant to achieve but didn’t, and they might even create some action steps for the following week. Then they’ll decide what we’re going to work on that week. It’s actually amazing – even before they come to the call, they’ve coached themselves, and they’ve really covered a lot of ground.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Well, it might be the hardest, but I just want to find out what was most valuable for you out of what we touched on in this session.
Client: Um, well to not think that I know what’s best for my family.
David: Wow!
Client: Yeah. Listen to what they have to say.
