The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: What about that ‘asking this person out’? Do you then proceed on to asking for their phone number? What’s the best way to do that?
David: Yes. Well, I’m not going to get into the masculine and the feminine, whose role is what, right? We’re just going to keep it practical for now because that’s a whole different topic. But once you’ve worked out who you’re after, and once you work out where they hang out, I do suggest a lot of dating.
Ingrid: Really?
David: I suggest a lot of dating. See, why try and work out, over just bumping into somebody every now and then, whether or not they’re the right person? You know, why not spend some time with them? Now here’s something that’s very important when you’re dating. Do not view this as an interview for your last partner. Right? That’s what happens, particularly because there’s a lot of pressure on women to get into a relationship in our society, so there’s a tendency to go out and think, ‘Is he the one? Am I going to stay with him? Are we going to be a couple?’ What I really suggest is that you view this as having fun. Spend some time with them, do something you really want to do, and take the pressure off. If it works out and you want to have another date, great. If it doesn’t work out, thank them for their time and say, ‘I really appreciate you coming out. It was great,’ you know, and we won’t do anymore.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: It’s simply be practical. If you’re after a relationship, you can sit at home or you can complain to your friends that you’re not in a partnership, or you can actually write down who you’re looking for, get out there off your butt, join a club. If you’re after people who are into personal development, go and do some personal development courses. Go and do an acting course. Go and do some dancing. That’s often a wonderful way to meet people; get into some kind of dancing class. I’ll tell you, that’s one of the best tips I’ve ever come up with from a Ingrid.
Ingrid: Really?
David: Because you not only meet people who are into the same things that you are – for example, into dancing or into going out – but you also get to spend maybe six weeks or eight weeks with the same people, and you get to know them. You don’t have to go to a bar, and walk up to someone and try and establish a relationship under the influence of alcohol, but you’ve actually got time to develop a relationship and see, ‘Do I want to ask this person out, or do I not?’
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: You know, I understand it. I know you’re like, ‘I hope he says yes, and if he says yes, I hope he sticks to it because he might change his mind later. If he says no, then am I going to do it on my own,’ or whatever. There’s no commitment from you.
Client: Right, so you’re suggesting that I need to just figure out what I want to do, commit to it, and see what part of it he wants to join me on and what part he doesn’t.
David: Well, you could do that but let’s look at an upgrade to that. What if you decided what you wanted to do, made a commitment to it, and then enrolled or enthused him in playing that game with you?
Client: Right.
David: It’s a very different place to come from, when you’re actually committed to it, than saying, ‘I’d really like it. Let’s kind of do it.’
Client: Right. I’m so glad you said that, because that’s sort of what I came to today. I was like, ‘You know, I just need to figure out what are the things that are really important for me to accomplish over, let’s say, the next year? How am I going to prioritize those things? How am I going to make them happen? What parts do I need him or don’t I need him to do with me?’
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: That’s exactly why this is an incredible exercise, because you list it all and then you go, ‘Well okay, there are about two people on the planet that could meet that, and they’re married.’
Ingrid: Yeah, that’s right.
David: So yeah, you list all that stuff and then you circle the ones that are really absolute deal-breakers. See how broad you can get. Try not to circle everything and see if you can say, ‘Well, maybe he doesn’t have to be tall.’ You know, or, ‘Maybe she doesn’t have to have an incredible body. Maybe if she was really loving and fun and challenged me, then that could be a wonderful relationship.’ You could even call this – well, it sounds like a narrowing exercise – you could even call it a broadening exercise, because people walk around with this little radar, looking for their perfect partner. The scope of that radar is so narrow, what you want to do is broaden that to give yourself much more opportunity.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: I feel a bit more if I probably don’t get in contact with her, that won’t be probably so bad.
David: Well I’d like to share a couple of thoughts on it. First, I think it’s great, so it sounds like you’re in a good place. What I can see happening is that she was meeting a need for you, she still is. You know, that email felt good, right?
Client: Yeah.
David: So she still is meeting that need for you, and that’s okay, as long as you recognize that when you’re pining, what you’re feeling is, ‘I’m not feeling loved. I want that reassurance from her.’ That’s okay as long as you know what’s going on. It sounds like you realize you weren’t getting everything you need from the relationship, so you made a conscious choice to leave, and then you’re like, ‘Hang on, but I was getting that need.’ What a lot of people do, and what I did for years, is I went back. I went back and got the need met again to the point where I got that filled up, and then thought, ‘What am I doing?’
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: Okay. Now sometimes the hardest thing is to find out or try and work out who the right person is for you, what sort of person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with, or a big part of your life with. Where do you start with that?
David: Yes. Bear in mind, I’ll give you an answer but you can’t really do it properly because the head thinks it knows what it wants, and the head says, ‘Oh, I want this kind of person and this kind of person.’ Ultimately, you know, you may not want that at all, or that may not be right for you. There really is a bit of trust about the whole thing, but the head wants an answer so let’s give it one. What a great thing to do is take a piece of paper and list all the qualities – this is like relationship 101 – list all the qualities that you’re looking for in a relationship. You can talk about physical qualities, so if you’re a woman, how tall is this guy? Does he have to blond? Does he have to have a firm butt? What kind of job does this guy have? Is he really open and outgoing? Is he quiet and shy? Is he sensitive? Has he got a hard edge to him? You know, really list what you’re looking for, and then what I think is a wonderful thing is circle the things that you absolutely must have, that you would rather die alone, an old person, rather than pick anybody else.
