The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: So, my invitation to you is, draw the boundaries so you know how far it goes. That way you don’t have to wonder everyday, ‘Am I not allowed to spend this? Is this too much?’ Work out the boundaries so you know where it is and then lap it up! Enjoy it. Go overboard with it. Acknowledge him. Thank him. Play with it.
Client: Okay.
David: If you’re going to get support, you might as well enjoy it. For some women, this is their entire goal!
Client: You know, I’ve always thought that it wouldn’t be bad to have that, and now that I’ve got it in my face it’s just really scary, because I’m defining it as dependence. What I need to understand is that I could never be dependent on someone, because I know that I can take care of myself if I need to.
David: Right, you can.
Client: [laughing] I feel better.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Say you’ve been saying in your mind, ‘Oh, lacking confidence is terrible and bad, and that’s why, you know…’ While you have that, I think you’ll constantly be trying to fix it, and the irony is, that’s what’s going to stop you from having it.
Client: Mm hmm!
David: You’re unconfident about your confidence.
Client: [laughing] Yes.
David: At some point, here’s what’s going to happen to you. You’re going to wake up one day and realize ‘Oh, this is me. All of it is just me, and that’s fine. When I feel confident, then I feel confident; and when I feel unconfident, I feel unconfident. I can be a real timid little dear sometimes, and that’s a part of me that I want to start to get to know.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Now that’s maybe one thing. The other thing I want to say is, I can understand – particularly for a woman – because you are taught you should find a man.
Client: Yeah.
David: You’ve been taught that since birth. That it will give you value and that’s what you should do, and in a way, you’ve been taught that you’re lucky if a man finds you and settles down with you and looks after you – all that kind of crap – before he finally dumps on you. So, particularly for a woman, I can understand the thinking, ‘I must sacrifice for my relationship.’ However, there’s another way of thinking that goes, ‘If you look after yourself and you do what you love, you will shine and you will attract the person you need to be with. Until you become that person you need to be – until you go and shine, the person you are meant to be with can’t even find you.
Client: Yeah.
David: Now, this guy might be the guy. That’s okay. I’m not saying he’s not. I’m saying you are not in a bargaining position. You are not needing him. You are not needing to sacrifice for any relationship. You could find someone who would love to be with you and you’d be a delight to be around, because you are just so loving life.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: It makes total sense. It would just be total shock factor for my dad. I mean, we don’t talk as closely as I’d like to as a rule. For me to suddenly to come out with something like this…
David: Yeah. I get it. That’s why I gave that tip on placing him, and you might need to do a little more. As a matter of fact, I’ve called people I haven’t spoken to in twenty years and told them I’ve got something to apologize for. Do you think they didn’t find that a little unusual? So, I just told the truth. I said, ‘You know, you might find this a little bit strange – I feel a bit strange in calling you – but I just got some clarity. I realize something that I haven’t been sharing with you and I want to do it now. Do you have a couple of minutes just to listen?’ That’s all you need to do.
Client: I’d really like to get to that.
David: I know you’re able to do it, and I totally get this is new for you. This isn’t something you’ve practiced every day. I’m just saying, would you call your dad after this call and to treat him as your dad – treat him as someone who really does want the best for you – and just share with him what’s been going on with his little girl.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: So I’m going to have to be a little more forgiving, because obviously I’m the one that it’s affecting. I need to be a little more forgiving, a little more open and honest.
David: I think that’s a start. Now I want to help you go to the next level.
Client: I need that!
David: Great, because there are two more levels here to look at. One is, you said a little more forgiving and a little more open. How about completely forgiving your mother for how she did motherhood? How about saying that she did motherhood the best that she knew how. Yeah, she might kick herself now looking back, but at the time, she didn’t say, ‘look I really want to screw up motherhood today’. She never said that. So how about taking on that perspective and completely forgiving your mother, and seeing her as a human being?
Paul: I think it’s very easy not to look on your mother as a human being sometimes.
David: Yes! Absolutely. You know we grow up as little boys and we become little boys in men’s bodies. We’ve still got that perspective. Then when we finally see our mother as trying to do motherhood… People express feelings in certain ways, right? As kids we want them to be open and loving. Most people aren’t.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Remember any feelings you have about it, they are all natural and all okay to have. They don’t mean anything. They’re just feelings and part of being a human being. Feel it all. It’s okay.
Client: Okay. All right. Sounds good.
David: I don’t normally say this, but I am here for you.
Client: I really appreciate that. When I emailed you during the week – that really helped.
David: Some people are going through little changes, some big. You are normal and natural if you wanted a little more support. The message is, if you ever need to call me or email me, please do it. My guess is, you’re only going to need two or three minutes, especially since you are on a great path.
