The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: How often do you work out?
Client: I got sick again, so I haven’t again, but I try to go at least four times a week.
David: How often do you work out?
Client: Well lately it’s been – I haven’t since I moved here, so it’s been once or twice.
David: Okay, so is that something that would support you if you worked out four times a week, something that would –
Client: Oh yeah.
David: – help your brain chill out?
Client: Absolutely.
David: Okay, so what’s it going to take to have you exercise four times a week?
Client: I just need to get more disciplined with the hours I spend at work, and ensure that I get some more sleep than I’m getting. I’m –
David: I’ve got a little warning bell going off.
Client: What’s that?
David: When someone says, ‘I’ve just got to get more disciplined,’ or, ‘I’ve just got to do it,’ that doesn’t always, in fact, it often doesn’t equate to doing it.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Okay. So that’s a good example. You’re walking on the edge of the concept. You may have it. I just want to check. One great example of this is you decide to bake a cake for somebody. Halfway through baking it, a TV show is on and you start getting pissed off, because you’re baking a cake instead of watching TV.
Client: I do it all the time.
David: Right. That’s called being irresponsible
Client: Yes, that’s exactly what I am.
David: And that’s okay. It’s a human thing, but it’s like, ‘I decided this and now I wish I were doing something else. Maybe I made a wrong decision then.’ It’s a load of crap. It’s really just a way of making yourself wrong in life.
So, the making a cake is a great example. Now let’s look at a business. You choose a business like the cake – you choose it. Stuff might come up and you go, ‘Oh, I wish I was doing yoga right now.’ So, if you say, ‘I made the choice and this is what I am going to do. This is what I prefer – to have the business over the yoga.’
Client: Yeah. I choose and therefore I make a commitment.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: It’s interesting: the concern about the lack of confidence, which I know you’ve had for possibly all your life.
Client: Yes, probably. Well, since primary school anyway.
David: Okay. My question is: when would you like to accept that part of yourself?
Client: What do you mean, ‘accept it’?
David: Well, you’ve been concerned about it, like a worry.
Client: Yeah.
David: It’s kind of like a child, right. A child who goes out and plays a lot. Sometimes you might be really concerned and you got to look every five minutes, and then at some point you might just go, ‘Look, he’s a kid. He’s playing. He’s in the back yard. He’s going to do whatever he’s going to do, so I’m not concerned anymore. Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen.’
Client: Mm hmm.
David: So, I’m just wondering, at what point would you like to stop being concerned about your lack of confidence, and really just accept that that’s something that you should have right now?
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: So it’s kind of like getting back to little kiddie times, back to five years old, when there really are no agendas. You just, you know, ‘What am I going to do now?’ and everything you do is perfect. Now you don’t have to live like that, and you might find that you resist it every five seconds because you’re like, ‘Now I’ve got to create a problem. I’ve got to create that there’s somewhere else to get to and I’m not there.’
Client: I’ve already got a pretty good list of those.
David: Yeah, you already got that.
Client: I already tell everyone. That’s how I talk, ‘I just have t o get to June. I just have to get to September. I just have to get to December.’
David: Yes, so you’ve played that game for a while. My invitation to you for this week is to play this other game called That’s Something I Made Up, and for this week, ‘I don’t actually have to get anywhere. I give myself permission to play any games I want to play, including sending out flyers.’ It doesn’t mean you can’t be in action. That’s a completely separate conversation. You know, when you’re out for a drive in the country, you can drive fast at times, and you can say, ‘Hey, where is this place on the map? I might go and check that out and have a cup of coffee.’ You can still do stuff if you want. The difference is you don’t have to. It’s all a bonus. You’d actually be taking on that this week where everything you do is perfect, and you actually cannot make a mistake even if you try; the mistake is perfect. That’s a big gift to give yourself, and I don’t know if you want to give yourself that, but do you want to take on that game?
Client: Okay.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: Doing what makes me feel happy would be a great situation for me.
David: Okay, how can you even shorten that? Let’s get it punchier, so you can remember that whenever you need to?
Client: Maybe, ‘Doing what makes me feel happy is fantastic’?
David: Right. Okay. I get that. How about, ‘I should do what makes me happy’.
Client: Yes, but I want to get away from the ‘shoulds’.
David: Yes. I get it.
Client: What about, ‘Doing what makes me feel happy lightens up the world’?
David: Aha. Now you’re talking. How do you like that?
Client: Yeah. I like that. That feels really good. I’m actually going to print this up on my computer in really big writing and just stick it up on my desk.
David: [laughing] That’s great. I was about to suggest it. You need some kind of structure to support this shift and you jumped right in. ‘…lightens up the world’, which I know you believe too. We’ve just done two really important things for your authenticity and your integrity.
Client: It feels huge. Feels like one of those really big areas under the carpet that’s affecting everything, until you can gradually peel back the table that was on top of the carpet and then actually do some cleaning.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Now on the fun issue, I got the sense that you want to be less serious and have some fun. What do you suggest there? What’s it going to take?
Client: I don’t know. Isn’t it ridiculous that that should be a scary place? Okay, I think I need to allow myself a little more time to enjoy things. What I really need to do is set myself a weekly time check – that doesn’t sound like fun, does it – but where I check off each day, something I’ve done for myself that’s fun.
David: Yeah, I think that can be fine and also to have something to look forward to at the end of each day. It can make your day a lot brighter. I get what you are saying – that it doesn’t seem fun to set up a worksheet – but without a structure to change your pattern, it’s hard to change your pattern. So, I think that’s fine. So, specifically, what would you do to move this forward?
Client: I think I need to have fun and also lighten up on myself. I think I have a heavy expectation on myself to achieve and I always have, and always have achieved well. I think I actually need to take some of that focus off to a degree. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t achieve everything you want to achieve.
