The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Yeah, but what I can see is the possibility that like as you’re going through your roller coaster, she’s got her own version that she’s trying to move through and deal with it all, so I can totally get that if you called her – see, look at how confused you’ve been, right, and you’ve got me to help you through it. She’s on her own. Who’s going to help her through it? Her man? She’s probably not talking to him about it. So she’s dealing with that, and each time, if you do go back to her to try and get your need met, you can be turning her life upside down a little bit. So just something to bear in mind.
Client: Yeah, exactly. I was just thinking whether that’s actually selfish of me to actually do that.
David: Yeah. So the coaching is to stay present, stay aware in each moment, to check in with her as to what she wants and what would support her. If what would support her is not hearing your voice, then yeah, she’s made it pretty clear and you can decide if you want to do that, or if it’s more important to you to get your need met, which I suspect it isn’t, from what I’ve heard from you today.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Well I know you are, Ingrid, but there’s some people out there who may feel a little less than perfect. Now here’s the thing. Often, when we look for a relationship, and I include myself in this, often when we look, we’re looking because we don’t feel whole and complete on our own. We’re not happy and we feel lonely, and therefore we want a relationship to feel connected. Okay? That’s very common.
Ingrid: All right, so what you’re saying then is that we have to feel whole before we start looking?
David: You don’t have to, but it helps. It helps so much. What I would say is you want to be enjoying your life, and that is your number one priority. Actually, it’s your number one priority on the planet, we could say. You must be enjoying your life. So if you’re really desperate for a relationship – and there’s nothing wrong with that; many times I’ve been very desperate to have some company or have someone in a relationship – what you want to look at is whether you’re enjoying your life. If you’re not – which is very likely if you’re desperate for a relationship – you want to look at what you could do to your life to have it be more fun for you. Then, the irony is, if you spend a couple of months on this and you go and get your house looking the way you want it to look, you get your clothes looking the way you want them to look, you go to the gym – if that’s bugging you; only if it’s bugging you – and you really start enjoying your life – maybe buying that guitar and taking some lessons, and going out to that club you want to go at – you are going to be so much more attractive to everybody.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: Well that’s it. I mean, that would be a hard question for me to actually go over there now, because –
David: But I’m wondering if you want that.
Client: Exactly. I mean, she wanted me to keep traveling with her, and I didn’t want to because I’ve done enough traveling, and I still don’t want to do that. So yeah, I don’t think I’d even make that.
David: Yeah, so it was interesting how I picked it up, the way you said it. You said to her, ‘I’m not going to go and do it because you don’t want that,’ but really you’re not going to come and do it because you don’t want that.
Client: No. Exactly.
David: That’s a very different place to come from. ‘This doesn’t support me, and it doesn’t support you, so it’s just really clear,’ rather than, ‘If you wanted me to, I’d be over there,’ which is sneaky, isn’t it?
Client: I guess I’m always trying to protect myself from getting sort of hurt, or giving away too much. I don’t want to seem like I’m this pathetic, slobbering thing that’s baying for her, which I almost have been. I think she lost respect for me when I was like that.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: Yes. I think there’s a whole topic to talk about on dating, but just as far as my experience goes, David, the best dates are ones that you’re not just going to the movies or perhaps having dinner, but you’re actually doing something, like going bowling or going bush walking.
David: Yeah. I don’t recommend the movies unless it’s combined with something else, because in movies, they’re just there with you while you’re watching something else, you know? So something where you can talk or go for a stroll, and check out some cafes. You said how do you do that date thing. I’m going to give a tip here to the listeners, which is more important than almost anything else that I can talk about in this program, and that is you need to ask.
Ingrid: You’ll have to explain that.
David: You need to invite somebody. If you want a date, you need to invite somebody. You can’t just – I mean yes, there are ways, particularly for women, to look attractive and drop hints, and this and that, but basically, if you spot somebody who is at least remotely, possibly the kind of person you’d like to spend more time with, ask them. ‘Hey, you know what? I’m interested in doing some bowling or whatever, do you want to come?’ You’ve got to really put yourself on the line. One exercise I’ve given people before is, if you’re really hesitant about asking people, is get out there and ask ten people and make sure you get at least two or three no’s.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
Ingrid: What about that ‘asking this person out’? Do you then proceed on to asking for their phone number? What’s the best way to do that?
David: Yes. Well, I’m not going to get into the masculine and the feminine, whose role is what, right? We’re just going to keep it practical for now because that’s a whole different topic. But once you’ve worked out who you’re after, and once you work out where they hang out, I do suggest a lot of dating.
Ingrid: Really?
David: I suggest a lot of dating. See, why try and work out, over just bumping into somebody every now and then, whether or not they’re the right person? You know, why not spend some time with them? Now here’s something that’s very important when you’re dating. Do not view this as an interview for your last partner. Right? That’s what happens, particularly because there’s a lot of pressure on women to get into a relationship in our society, so there’s a tendency to go out and think, ‘Is he the one? Am I going to stay with him? Are we going to be a couple?’ What I really suggest is that you view this as having fun. Spend some time with them, do something you really want to do, and take the pressure off. If it works out and you want to have another date, great. If it doesn’t work out, thank them for their time and say, ‘I really appreciate you coming out. It was great,’ you know, and we won’t do anymore.
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: It’s simply be practical. If you’re after a relationship, you can sit at home or you can complain to your friends that you’re not in a partnership, or you can actually write down who you’re looking for, get out there off your butt, join a club. If you’re after people who are into personal development, go and do some personal development courses. Go and do an acting course. Go and do some dancing. That’s often a wonderful way to meet people; get into some kind of dancing class. I’ll tell you, that’s one of the best tips I’ve ever come up with from a Ingrid.
Ingrid: Really?
David: Because you not only meet people who are into the same things that you are – for example, into dancing or into going out – but you also get to spend maybe six weeks or eight weeks with the same people, and you get to know them. You don’t have to go to a bar, and walk up to someone and try and establish a relationship under the influence of alcohol, but you’ve actually got time to develop a relationship and see, ‘Do I want to ask this person out, or do I not?’
