The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: You know, I understand it. I know you’re like, ‘I hope he says yes, and if he says yes, I hope he sticks to it because he might change his mind later. If he says no, then am I going to do it on my own,’ or whatever. There’s no commitment from you.
Client: Right, so you’re suggesting that I need to just figure out what I want to do, commit to it, and see what part of it he wants to join me on and what part he doesn’t.
David: Well, you could do that but let’s look at an upgrade to that. What if you decided what you wanted to do, made a commitment to it, and then enrolled or enthused him in playing that game with you?
Client: Right.
David: It’s a very different place to come from, when you’re actually committed to it, than saying, ‘I’d really like it. Let’s kind of do it.’
Client: Right. I’m so glad you said that, because that’s sort of what I came to today. I was like, ‘You know, I just need to figure out what are the things that are really important for me to accomplish over, let’s say, the next year? How am I going to prioritize those things? How am I going to make them happen? What parts do I need him or don’t I need him to do with me?’
The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: That’s exactly why this is an incredible exercise, because you list it all and then you go, ‘Well okay, there are about two people on the planet that could meet that, and they’re married.’
Ingrid: Yeah, that’s right.
David: So yeah, you list all that stuff and then you circle the ones that are really absolute deal-breakers. See how broad you can get. Try not to circle everything and see if you can say, ‘Well, maybe he doesn’t have to be tall.’ You know, or, ‘Maybe she doesn’t have to have an incredible body. Maybe if she was really loving and fun and challenged me, then that could be a wonderful relationship.’ You could even call this – well, it sounds like a narrowing exercise – you could even call it a broadening exercise, because people walk around with this little radar, looking for their perfect partner. The scope of that radar is so narrow, what you want to do is broaden that to give yourself much more opportunity.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: I feel a bit more if I probably don’t get in contact with her, that won’t be probably so bad.
David: Well I’d like to share a couple of thoughts on it. First, I think it’s great, so it sounds like you’re in a good place. What I can see happening is that she was meeting a need for you, she still is. You know, that email felt good, right?
Client: Yeah.
David: So she still is meeting that need for you, and that’s okay, as long as you recognize that when you’re pining, what you’re feeling is, ‘I’m not feeling loved. I want that reassurance from her.’ That’s okay as long as you know what’s going on. It sounds like you realize you weren’t getting everything you need from the relationship, so you made a conscious choice to leave, and then you’re like, ‘Hang on, but I was getting that need.’ What a lot of people do, and what I did for years, is I went back. I went back and got the need met again to the point where I got that filled up, and then thought, ‘What am I doing?’
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: You’re on the road.
Client: On the road, mate.
David: Good for you. That’s a great perspective, you know? What I wrote down for you in coaching, because you wrote something about trying to win her back and stuff like that, and I don’t know whether to stay in contact, or whatever, we do that in life. We try and make a decision on it, and come up with this executive thing and follow it, and indeed, coaching is a lot about that. However, a wonderful thing to do sometimes is to go in each moment, and not make any decision on it now. But tomorrow, if at 3:00, you feel like calling her and having a chat about what she’s up to, then you can make that decision at that time.
Client: Yeah.
David: If you take a look and think, ‘Do I really want to, or is that just to make me feel a little bit better? Do I need that? Could I take a walk instead?’ You know, it’s whatever you go through, you’ll go through at that point. The next day, or five minutes later, you may feel different.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy!
Client: Very true!
David: So it’s just smart, and it’ll save you time. Rather than focusing your attention on yourself, focus more of it on her. The other advantage of that is she’s more intuitive. So she’ll know when you need a break; she’ll know when this is right for you; she’ll know when this color’s right for you. She just… Imagine life without women!
Client: It’s true.
David: So she’ll actually help to guide you to places that you wouldn’t go on your own.
Client: True.
David: So you can actually rely on that, but the question you raised is, ‘What’s the limit? What about when I need something?’ What I would suggest – and this is coming straight from a guy in the States who’s developed all this stuff – is 10%. 10% of the time there should be limits. Like ‘No, that’s not okay’ or ‘No, I’m not going to go there. I’m on vacation’ or ‘No, I don’t agree to spending that.’
Client: Got it.
David: That helps in two ways. One way is you get to look after yourself. Like, sometimes you just need some space.
Client: Yeah.
David: Or you need this or you need that – so sometimes you can put the veto in and go, ‘You know what? I need to look after myself on that one.’ The other reason that’s really good is, women need to know that there are limits. In fact, everybody does. If you have absolutely no limits, respect can disappear. Then you’re all wishy-washy, and no one wants a doormat.
The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: I went to a seminar last night called Creating Great Relationships. Isn’t that interesting that we moved our session so I could go to that seminar and now we’re in this session after my being at the seminar?
Client: Hmm. You tell me.
David: I will tell you – he said, ‘How often do you hear the expression: it’s got to be 50-50?
Client: All the time.
David: What if it was 100-100?
Client: Yes.
David: If you are operating at 100% and fully in love with yourself and doing what you want to do and I am at 100% doing what I love to do, then wow! It’s interesting that I tend to compromise so you can get what you want. Compromise is a bit of an old model. There is a new model, a new-age type stuff that is really good. It says you don’t ever need to compromise in a relationship. You both can get what you want. There are win-win games. Both of you win so much, that the surplus spills onto everyone else. Do you see how that model could work?
Client: Yes.
