The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: How often do you work out?
Client: I got sick again, so I haven’t again, but I try to go at least four times a week.
David: How often do you work out?
Client: Well lately it’s been – I haven’t since I moved here, so it’s been once or twice.
David: Okay, so is that something that would support you if you worked out four times a week, something that would –
Client: Oh yeah.
David: – help your brain chill out?
Client: Absolutely.
David: Okay, so what’s it going to take to have you exercise four times a week?
Client: I just need to get more disciplined with the hours I spend at work, and ensure that I get some more sleep than I’m getting. I’m –
David: I’ve got a little warning bell going off.
Client: What’s that?
David: When someone says, ‘I’ve just got to get more disciplined,’ or, ‘I’ve just got to do it,’ that doesn’t always, in fact, it often doesn’t equate to doing it.
The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.
Client: Such a huge combination of things – coaching – isn’t it?
David: It really can be, and I told you that I was going to give you three models, but I want to give a fourth one. This is perhaps the most important, and it’s the scariest. So I can understand coaches not using it – well, they have to use it, but not wanting to rely on it – but it’s really fundamental, and that’s simply sharing what comes up for you to share.
This is the ultimate model. What you do is speak the truth, so if the client says, ‘I want to leave my husband.’ you look at what comes up. What comes up might be, ‘Oh, you sounded so happy. Really, I don’t understand. You sounded happy, but you want to leave. Can you say more about that?’ Now that’s not a coaching technique, that’s just intuition. That’s what came up for you. If something comes up like, ‘Oh, are you okay? You know, are you feeling okay? Are you stressed?’ If that’s what comes up, you might ask that. Of course, there are hundreds of things that could come up for you. You may be thinking…
Client: Yeah, I’ll never anticipate everything. So I’ve stopped even trying.
David: That’s the point. The point is, you see what’s natural for you to say – the human being. You will have intuition and things coming up. What stops most coaches doing powerful coaching is they don’t trust that. They think that there should be some magic formula or some magic question that I should ask right now, instead of just being a human being.
The following is an excerpt from the CoachStart Manual.
Many new coaches I work with make a very simple mistake in their early sessions. “How did your Exploratory Session go last week?” I ask. “Great!” they say. “I’m going to call her next week to set up a time for another session.”
Can you see what’s missing here? They are still not this client’s coach. They are just someone to talk to if the client has time next week and still feels interested in coaching next week. You know how you can pick up a self-help book whenever you feel like it and put it down when you feel like it? In the above example the coach is playing the role of the book! That’s not coaching. Or more precisely, it’s not a Coaching Structure.
One thing that separates coaching from many other professions is the client’s commitment to his/her coaching goals and to a particular time frame working with the coach. This way, it doesn’t matter if the client gets busy next week. Their session is scheduled for 3pm Thursday, and that’s that.
