The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.
David: OK, so we’ve got some lovely things that can help them develop life purpose. Again, they could be thinking life purpose or they could be thinking career. For some people it’s mixed, but for some people life purpose is just too hard. They just want something that will fulfill them. It’s not much different, but that way you can say it in words they can understand. You can say, let’s find a career direction, something you can do with your life that will make an impact and have you feel fulfillment, which is what they’re after.
Let me give you a model that I have been using with my clients. I’ve had mixed success with it, but for some people it works really well. The model is Vision, Mission, Games. How it works is, I have them write down their vision if the world was perfect, what would they want for their vision? It has to include more than them. Then once they’ve got that, they write a mission: how they will personally bring about that vision. Maybe world peace is the vision or harmony between all people. The mission might be something like, to expand people’s awareness of who they are and inspire them to grow. Mission doesn’t have to be that specific. I like to have the vision and the mission be quite broad. The games, or projects is another word for this, are anything you can do that would contribute to that.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: Now on the fun issue, I got the sense that you want to be less serious and have some fun. What do you suggest there? What’s it going to take?
Client: I don’t know. Isn’t it ridiculous that that should be a scary place? Okay, I think I need to allow myself a little more time to enjoy things. What I really need to do is set myself a weekly time check – that doesn’t sound like fun, does it – but where I check off each day, something I’ve done for myself that’s fun.
David: Yeah, I think that can be fine and also to have something to look forward to at the end of each day. It can make your day a lot brighter. I get what you are saying – that it doesn’t seem fun to set up a worksheet – but without a structure to change your pattern, it’s hard to change your pattern. So, I think that’s fine. So, specifically, what would you do to move this forward?
Client: I think I need to have fun and also lighten up on myself. I think I have a heavy expectation on myself to achieve and I always have, and always have achieved well. I think I actually need to take some of that focus off to a degree. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t achieve everything you want to achieve.
The following is an excerpt of an actual transaction between David and a client in Top Coaching Techniques.
David: You feel that you’re not achieving?
Client: Well, I feel that everything I am achieving is about making money, which is a good thing, because I need to make money and I’ve figure out how to make it. The problem is that then I start to feel I can’t do the fun stuff, because I’m not making money. That’s frustrating me and I need to deal with that.
David: Good. I would tend to agree with your strategy. Not doing fun stuff because it’s not the same priority as the money making stuff.
Client: Exactly.
David: Are you doing fine with the money making stuff? That’s working?
Client: Yeah. I’m doing fine with it.
David: And it’s working because you put your attention on that?
Client: Exactly.
David: There’s a managing director I’m working with who has this 7-stage plan for their life and their business, with a grid of different areas they’re going to achieve and by when. I liked it because it included things that wouldn’t normally be in a business plan. For example: one area someone put in was giving back, and he wrote he was going to sponsor a child. Another person’s area was goals they had for their kids. Another’s was life-changing experiences. I think one of them was to go and visit a morgue.
The following is an excerpt from the CoachStart Manual.
Coaching is not advice. It’s coaching. As a human being, you will have opinions regarding what a client should do. But you need to be really clear about when this is your opinion, versus helping them get clear for themselves on what they should do. At different times, your client will want both.
“Should I break up with my boyfriend?” A coaching response might be: “What is best for you?”
I had a client looking to make extra income. She was actually considering applying to work for an escort agency. My initial reaction, which I stifled, was — “Surely there’s an alternative to prostitution!” But remembering I had my coaching hat on, I asked her why. It seemed she didn’t have any moral judgments about it, and thought it might actually be an interesting experience. She did have other options, so it wasn’t coming out of desperation. In fact, I discovered the main thing holding her back from pursuing this avenue, was worrying about what a future partner might think of her — which I don’t find a powerful reason for any decision! In the course of time, she made her own decision not to follow that path. But she wasn’t stifled by the judgments and opinions of her coach.
The following is an sample form from Top Coaching Techniques.
1. What have you achieved since the last coaching session, in any/all areas of your life? (Include anything you have learned)
2. Are any actions not done or incomplete from the last coaching session? I will complete these by:
3. Have you been blocked anywhere? What is your current Perspective and underlying Judgment? What new Perspective will you create?
4. Please name three things in your life for which you are currently grateful (at least one should be different from previous weeks).
5. What concerns, if any, do you currently have?
6. What opportunities exist, or can you create for yourself this week? (In particular, you might like to use any insights from 3 or 5)
7. Please list the actions you will take to move yourself forward by the next coaching session:
(List numbered down the page, and please be specific)
8. What do you want to accomplish from your upcoming coaching session? Please be as specific as you can, and if you draw a blank, I invite you to create something!
The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.
1. I like you more than I let on; I’d like to spend more time with you
2. You’re sexy/I want to have sex with you
3. I feel hurt by something you did/do
4. I’m drained by you…….(being late, not returning my calls, yelling at me etc.)
5. I’d really like you to touch and hug me more
6. I love you. Thank you for being in my life.
7. I’m angry at you.
8. I’m having sex to please you/keep you in the relationship
9. I’m worried if I tell you the truth you’ll be angry/ I’m afraid.
10. I’ve been showing you the front I want you to see – all my life! Now you’ll see me!
