techniques - Inner Firewalking

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Relationship

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Ask your partner for three things you do that bugs or upsets him/her. (And then cut it out!)

2. Find three things your partner does that you appreciate, but don’t thank them enough for – and thank them!

3. Acknowledge your partner for ~who~ they are (as opposed to what they do) e.g. generous, loving, vulnerable, caring, funny.

4. Make a list of TEN things you value about your partner and the relationship, and let them know!

5. Advanced: Give him/her the space to tell you the things she’s scared to tell you. (Ask for something she’s uncomfortable telling you, and then BE OK with it – no matter what! You don’t get a second chance at this game)

6. Ask him/her if you’ve ever disappointed him. Then let him know it’s not your intention. (Note: if your emotions come up in response – let them go or leave the room!)

7. Advanced: What’s the Number One thing you’ve been withholding from your partner? Give them the change to accept you for who you are and what you’ve done.

8. Mark in your diary a weekly surprise for him/her. It can be a trip to Fiji, or a massage – it’s the regular thinking that counts.

9. Ask him/her the Number One thing you can do to make her happy.

10. Schedule a “pleasure session” for your partner where his/her job is only to enjoy, and reciprocation is not allowed!!!!

Top Ten Tips for Committing to Action

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Choose something you really want – not something you think you SHOULD do.

2. Set a goal that is specific and measurable – so you know you’ve reached it!

3. Find a way to make it fun (it doesn’t have to be serious).

4. Choose a meaningful halfway mark or milestone and ~celebrate~!

5. Have a friend do it with you.

6. Tell everyone what it is – it doesn’t exist until people know about it.

7. For the tricky ones, have three friends check in with you to see how you’re going.

8. Schedule a regular time of day or day of the week for your action.

9. Put up a banner or screen saver reminding you of the benefits of your goal.

10. Hang out with people who have the same or similar goals!!!

Top Ten Radical Actions for Finding a Partner

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Declare to all your friends that you’re available. Let them know the type of partner and relationship you’re looking for.

2. Ask 20 people out in the next seven days.

3. Join a dating service (try it!).

4. Get listed on the Internet dating sites (If you’re embarrassed, get over it! This is a non-confronting way to check people out, and it’s fun!)

5. Place a personal ad.

6. Do a personal development course.

7. Join 1-3 clubs/courses where people share a common interest with you, and where you’ll have fun (e.g. yoga, bush walking, dancing, indoor rock climbing, film club)

8. Polish up your life to become more attractive (i.e. list 5 things in your life which you know you should handle, and get them handled! E.g. health, house, car, fight with a friend)

9. List 5 people you would normally not ask out on a date (e.g. they’re not perfect, not your type, probably not interested, you’re not attracted to them), and ask them out! (Trust me – if nothing else, this gets you out, and lubricates the dating wheels)

10. Declare to yourself that you will be single for 6 months, and simply have the best time you possibly can! (You become a magnet!)

Finding A Client’s Gap

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

Coach: The other way I see it is an enrollment session. It’s a chance for you as the coach to create a gap for them. To really help them see the gap between what they want and what they have, so they are pulled forward and they’re excited. They are lit up. They see, ‘Yes, that’s what I want.’ and ‘Yes, I see it’s possible.’

Client: I don’t know that you’re actually creating the gap, because the gap is always there.

Coach: Well, yes and no. Sometimes they come to you and they’re not even sure what they want or they might want something, but it’s really not lining them up. They think, ‘Oh, this would be good. I want a relationship where we aren’t fighting all the time.’ and you say, ‘Well what would it be like to have a relationship where you are lit up all the time, and you are telling everyone how great your relationship is?’ You’ve just created a gap and that’s your job.

Top Ten Steps To Peace

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Tidy your room (and for a bonus – the apartment/house! Consider getting help doing it.)

2. Get/understand that anything you do above securing food, shelter and clothing, is all entertainment. (You’ve made it dramatic!)

3. Arrive 15 minutes early to all appointments (including those with yourself).

4. Stick to the speed limit (drive with peace…let others overtake you)

5. Schedule BLANK TIME in the day – 1-2 hours where nothing can be scheduled. When it comes, you can use it to walk on the beach, work, make love……. It doesn’t matter.

6. Lower the Bar – Examine what you THINK you need to do this week, and then think again.

7. Drop something. There are 1-3 things you’re about to do this week, which do not support you having peace in your life (or maybe anything good!). TV? Obligation? Draining person? (Oops – can I say that?)

8. Identify what your needs really are, and get them met. (This is easiest using a coach with experience in this area)

9. Handle a drain i.e. something you’re putting up with.

10. Schedule at least two hours per week for YOU. Time where you get to reflect, think, walk, paint, write, and quieten the mind.

Laura Berman Fortgang’s Model of Coaching

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Okay. So, I know a really nice model of coaching – I heard this from Laura Berman Fortgang at the ICF conference, and I really like it. Her model that she is using is very simple, and that is to begin each question with the word ‘what’.

So don’t ask them ‘why’. Never ask clients, ‘Why do you want to do that?’ or ‘Why do you feel like that?’ Just ask them ‘what’. You can ask them ‘how’, but again, try to start with what. It was really funny when we did the exercise, we had someone tell us about a problem, and we had to say ‘what’. Like, ‘Okay, what’s the solution?’ and they’d say, ‘Oh, I don’t know. I probably need to lose some weight.’ Then I’d say something like, ‘What’s the first step?’ and they’d say, ‘Oh, I probably should go to go to the gym.’ and I’d say, ‘What are you going to do at the gym?’ It was really amazing how it just focused them in, even if they didn’t know the answer. In five ‘what’ questions, they had it.