Relationships
Breaking Up
When He Breaks Up With You
Here is a brief outline of the model
I use to help clients through a breakup, and to
avoid a breakup.
What We Do In A Break Up
a) Blame him
OR
b) Blame ourselves
How to Move On
1) Get the Story (that you've made
up about it)
e.g. He didn't love me, he's a jerk, I'm not good
enough, if only we had........
2) Let it go (put yourself in his
shoes if you're blaming him. Get that he's a human
being who made the best decisions he could each
time. If you're blaming yourself, get that you
are awesome! And maybe just not the right partner
for him.
3) Start to see how great life
could be on your own (i.e. create the possibility)
This is an important chance to get
to know yourself. A chance to spend some time
with yourself, and be VERY nice to yourself. When
that's too painful, you'll want a great support
network to draw on. If you get touch from a man,
it's the friendship hug or stroking that will
be healing, not sexual touch. Make sure you make
this clear to him if you need to. Then, when you
feel ready, have some more time on your own. Be
very aware of your feelings - feel them - rather
than smothering them. Getting in touch with your
loneliness can be painful but even nice when you
accept the feelings. And remember - tears are
better for growth than alchohol.
"Find what you really enjoy, and forget finding
a man"
"Find what you really enjoy, and he'll find
you!"
How to Avoid the Break Up
If you like this guy, and want to
solidify or repair the relationship........
1) Have More Fun - YOU!
List 5 ways you could have more
fun with this guy
List 5 things you're tolerating about the relationship.
Work on one of each this week.
If you're having a good time in
the relationship, and he isn't:
2) Have More Fun - HIM!
Ask him for the lists above, and
work with him on one of each this week.
