Finding 'Mr. Right'
Using a Coach
This program can take 3 to 9 months
to complete.
Moving through it will be natural for some,
but for others will take encouragement and focus.
It's likely
that there is more than one thing stopping you
from being fully expressed (read
"attractive") with men.
If you read some of the following steps
and react: "I couldn't do that", then congratulations!
You've just found something that's been
stopping you.
If you've had these blocks or habits for
years, it's unlikely reading this program will
make a dramatic difference; it should, however,
raise your awareness of the areas you can work
on or play with.
For a dramatic difference and results,
I suggest your own coach.
Read through
the program. If you like, move through it weekly on your own, or even better
with a buddy.
If you'd like a trial coaching session
to find out how a coach could support you in this,
and make it more fun, request a free
coaching session.
Enjoy!
David
Wood
SolutionBox™
Step 1 - Clarity
Let's
start by getting clear on what your man might
be like. Start
with every fantasy you've had; then let go as
much as you can to find the core things that are
truly important to you.
a)
Ideal Partner
Write
down the characteristics you would like your partner
to have. Then
circle None to Five of these which are truly requirements
for you; one's you couldn't let go. (E.g. adventurous,
6 feet tall, Jewish, nonsmoker). Are your requirements physical, circumstantial
(e.g. rich), emotional, character-based?
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b)
Ideal Relationship
Write
down the characteristics you would like your relationship
to have. Then
circle None to Five of these which are truly requirements
for you; one's you couldn't let go. (E.g. honesty,
generosity, exploration, friendship, laughter).
Realize you will need to be these characteristics
-starting now - if you want to attract this kind
of relationship.
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Describe
the things you would do together.
What might a typical Sunday look like in
6 months time? (e.g. he wakes me with breakfast
in bed, we read the paper, followed by slow, unhurried
sex..)
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c)
Speak it
Share
what you want with at least three people!
(It doesn't do anyone any good in your
head. It's
in you speaking it that it lives and becomes real).
Step 2 - Your Theme or Background,
and Limiting Beliefs
We usually
have a theme, background or context for how we
approach everything in life.
a)
Identify the theme you've been operating
with in relationships.
(E.g.
I'm not worth enough, He'll like someone better,
suspicion, distrust, abandonment, it's too much
work!, I'm running out of time! Here's another
imperfect man). Is there more than one?
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b)
Limiting Beliefs
Write
down five to ten limiting beliefs you've been
holding on to.
Then circle the main one, choose to give
it up, and tell three friends about it and your
choice to let go of it. (E.g. men can't be trusted,
I need a relationship to be happy, I'm unattractive,
no-one would want me, I have to have sex with
him to keep him, dating is hard work, women shouldn't
talk about their feelings or what they want too
much, it's his job to approach me, getting a "no"
equals rejection and I'm not good enough).
Have fun with this one!
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c)
Create a new theme to replace your old
theme and limiting beliefs!
(e.g.
Fun, adventure, exploration, trust, love, contribution,
invitation, freedom, self expression - "I'm going
to say what I like and I want, and it doesn't
matter what happens!", partnership - "I'll treat
all men as a friend and partner, including the
ones I've just met.
Anything that happens is a bonus)
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Step
3 - Fun
Don't
take it too seriously! Remember to enjoy the process. This can be a very FUN game.
Step
4 - Where to Hang Out!
Insights
are great. But let's get down to action. Putting yourself in the right places will make
a WORLD of difference.
If you're serious about acting, you'll
go to L.A. - right?
a)
Where are the men?
List
up to ten places your ideal partner is likely
to hang out. (E.g. special interest groups - politics,
hiking, acting, church, theater, dancing; personal
development courses; sporting clubs; beach; parties;
bars; Internet; dating service). Why not list your major interests, and find
a club where you can explore this?
(If you're having trouble, work with a
friend or a coach on this. This step is critical).
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b)
Sign up!
This
week pick at least one of these areas and make
plans to hang out there. E.g. Put in your diary three visits to the beach; make plans with
a friend to go to that bar the next three Friday's
in a row; join the sailing club or sign up for
a course.
Step 5 - Invitation
Wall flowers
do get asked out, but it's an uphill battle.
Make it REALLY easy for people to spend
time with you, by inviting them to things you
would both enjoy. (Note: This is where many people have the biggest
block. If
you're hung up about invitations, it's time to
get over it.
Work with a coach until it's actually easy
and fun)
d)
What's your invitation look like?
Write
down five things you might like to invite someone
to; something you would enjoy, and which wouldn't
feel like pressure.
Then, write the actual words you might
use (e.g. "I'd love to continue this conversation
with you. Do you like the beach? Why don't we meet up on the weekend and take
a walk?"). Find
something that feels good for you - it can be
anything from a phone call to sex in the Bahamas.
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e)
Extend at least two invitations
this week, and every week after that.
For the bonus plan, you can go for five
or ten.
Step 6 - Availability
You might
not be coming across as available. You might think you're so obvious, and he could
STILL be missing the signals (men are slow!).
a)
Your friends' perception
What
do your girlfriends say about how you come across
to men? (Available?
Friendly? Flirtatious? Sexy? Confident? Aggressive?
Cold? Disinterested?)
What do your male friends say?
Get some feedback.
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b)
Let him know!
List
10 things you could do or say to let a man know
you're interested, or to make it easier for him
to ask you out. (E.g. "I'm dying to see that movie",
"I've been wanting to go to that café", "I'd love
a chance to wear my bikini <grin>", touching
his arm, "Is my zip undone?"
"Would you sit a little closer? That guy
keeps looking at me!").
Interview a cluey girlfriend if you're
stuck. Pick two to practice this week.
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c)
Being Approachable
What
can you do to be more approachable? (e.g. Clothing,
makeup, NOT hanging out in a big group of friends,
smiling, eye contact)
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d)
Declare it!
And...the party strategy.
Are
you really available? Then quit hiding it! You've passed this step when you've called
between 5 and 10 friends and said something like:
"Hey - you know some men.
I want you to know I've gotten clear on
what I'm looking for.
I want XXXXXX so keep your eyes open for
me. And
I plan to go to a lot of parties in the next few
months, so I'd love to hear of any going on.
Let's have some fun!"
Step 7 - "Eyes Open"
While constantly
looking for new men, you're perfect partner (or
at least a fun one), might be right under your
nose! Let's see how open your eyes are.
a)
Men you're interested in
List
five to ten men you know who you are interested
in spending more time with (or MIGHT be interested
in getting to know better, or getting more attention
from). If you're having trouble, look harder!
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b)
Men interested in you
We
tend to wear blinkers when it comes to this.
There are people interested in you who
haven't made it to your radar screen. List five to ten men who you believe might
be interested in you (regardless of your interest
level in them). Look hard!
They do exist..
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c)
Action
This
week, give two of these guys a chance (one from
a) and one from b) ).
Find a way to spend more time with them,
but directly inviting them for something, or by
dropping enough hints that even the slowest would
get the picture.
Step 8 - Attachment
Many of
us seek a relationship because we're not happy
on our own, and want someone to fill our needs
or complete us. Others are having so much fun, they want to
share it with someone.
These are not right or wrong, it's just
good to know where you are.
a)
Write
down from 1 to 10 where you are on the path of
attachment, 10 being "I'm desperate for a relationship;
I'll be unhappy until I find one", and 1 being
"I'm happy being single, and I'd now like to share
this stuff with someone":__________.
b)
Now
add some comments for yourself:
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f)
Why are you seeking a relationship? What needs would your man fill?
(Feel worthy? Loved? Needed?
Important?)
What will be your reaction if you isn't
there to fill those needs? (e.g. won't hold you
when you want him to)
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g)
What would it take for you to get to a
place where you are whole and complete on your
own, not needing anyone else? Is this possible?
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That's
it! Play with it, don't take life too seriously,
and enjoy!
David Wood
SolutionBox™
Program
may be used and distributed free of charge.
No alteration or commercial gain permitted without
permission.
Copyright notice and contact information must
remain intact.
